Name a fallacy, win the argument. That is the ritual, and it is nonsense. This essay takes apart the most abused phrase in modern discourse: the reflexive charge of "appeal to authority." It traces what Locke actually meant by argumentum ad verecundiam, lays out the narrow and specific conditions under which the fallacy is real, and explains why citing Einstein on physics is not one of them. It also gives the skeptics their due, because institutional authority has earned suspicion. But the answer to unreliable experts is getting better at evaluating them, not declaring all expertise fallacious. Featuring the fallacy fallacy, Schopenhauer being characteristically ruthless, and a direct answer to the most common objection to "Not All Opinions Are Created Equal."