Note (Nov 2026): I used to swear a lot more in casual speech. Shortly before my first child was born, I read Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, which inspired me to clean up my language. I rarely swear now. I left this essay untouched because editing it now would feel disingenuous; this is how my younger self talked.
(Originally written 4/30/10 for Jockpost.com)
Every day it seems like the media manages to come up with some new bullshit catch-phrase that every news outlet on the planet will copy and regurgitate until our heads are filled.
You know what I’m talking about… those horrible “Main Street vs Wall Street” type sayings that are more than just over played and then to make things worse, they make no fucking sense.
REPORTER: (in serious tone) “We know the recession has hit Wall Street pretty hard, but what about the folks down on Main Street?”
Everyone chuckles like it’s the first time they have heard the comparison.
What the fuck do you think about the “folks down on Main Street?” They are fucking starving man! They have no jobs, no money, no work ethic, no ambition… they are fucked! Jesus christ do you really have to make this comparison every 15 seconds? I just want to scream “fuck you, fuck Wall Street and fuck Main Street!”
Black Eyed Peas are overplayed. Capri pants are overplayed. Ed Hardy is overplayed. Main Street vs Wall Street? That shit is the end all champion of overplayed.
Until now.
Leave it to the world of sports to defeat the all-time champion of overplayed bullshit. If I hear one more fucking guy declare Jose Aldo the new “Pound-for-Pound” toughest fighter in the world I may blow my goddamn brains out.
After all, how can he be the “Pound-for-Pound” toughest guy on the planet if that crown already belongs to Georges St. Pierre. And to Anderson Silva. Oh yeah and about a half a dozen boxers (including Floyd Mayweather and Sugar Shane Mosley, who are fighting each other this weekend.)
Pound-for-Pound.
What the fuck does that even mean?! He beats up guys in his weight class worse than some other fighter in some other weight class beats up guys? How do you compare 2 guys who both end a fight by bashing the fuck out of their opponents faces to the point that the referee stops the fight? How do you compare rear naked chokes? A choke out is pretty much the same in every weight class, is it not?
Or is it the good old “If he were a heavyweight he’d be the best” argument? “If Aldo were a heavyweight he’d dominate Fedor Emelianenko.”
Are you kidding me? If my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle (and she’d be pretty gross). If grasshoppers had machine guns, birds wouldn’t fuck with them. If I had a few billion dollars I wouldn’t be writing for JOCKpost (actually I probably still would) but you get the point – Jose Aldo, GSP, Anderson Silva – you can have them all. I’ll take Fedor and he’ll beat the absolute fuck out of each and every one of them.
You know why?
It’s because my aunt doesn’t have balls (thank god), birds mangle grasshoppers and I don’t have 2 billion dollars. And because those guys aren’t in Fedor’s league and never will be.
Why speculate about something that will never happen? I’d rather speculate about if you put one of those guys up against Fedor in their current condition.
Considering that is the only realistic speculation, the logical conclusion is simple: Fedor would fucking destroy any of your “Pound-for-Pound” best.
Doesn’t that make Fedor the “Pound-for-Pound” toughest guy anyway?
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